A theory about 'ego death' and narcissism
If you know someone who uses psychedelics, chances are that you’ve heard them talk about experiencing “ego death”. This term makes a lot of sense to those who have experienced it. I know, because that was the only way of describing the occasions when it happened to me. What’s interesting is that many who have experienced it, often become “gurus” or “saviors”, which, using the same terminology, would mean that their egos were resurrected in a stronger state than before the death. Here, too, I am talking from own experience.
In the western world, we have a mechanical view of how the universe works: the universe is goverened by “laws” and/or “God”, and so is everything else. Our bodies are seen as biological machines, where the brain is the CEO and boss, rather than complicated systems of networks that collaborate. Our organizational structures imitate kingdoms where one person ultimately leads the day-to-day work, with the board giving instructions for the long term course. A mechanical world view tends to deal in binaries — it’s either 1 or 0, yes or no, good or evil — rather than waves. The binary, mechanical view is a simple way to understand the world around us. Waves are complex with their troughs and peaks, and require us to hold more complex concepts in our heads. When two binaries collide, logic dictates that one of them must win (which leads to paradox questions like “what happens if an unstoppable bullet hits an unbreakable wall?”). While it is true that two waves can cancel each other out under the right circumstances, in most cases the collision of two waves results in a new, more complex wave pattern.
Binaries are simple, clear cut categories, and the simplicity is seductive. It’s easier to see someone as either “good” or “evil”, but the truth is that most of us aren’t at the peak or trough of this particular wave, we are somewhere in between — and where that is depends on the observer judging us. (This is also how quantum physics seem to work, if you look at the double slit experiment. If you don’t know what it is, I recommend watching this video that explains it in a great way).
So if you’re stuck in a binary world view, where you are either “alive” or “dead”, it’s easy to see how a trough is perceived as “death”, and so when you experience a trough of the ego it becomes “ego death”. What follows is that you are “reborn” after such an experience, much like the legend of Jesus’ resurrection after dying on the cross. The troughs of the ego wave are very powerful experiences, especially in a society where death is something of a taboo, or at least something most people only think about when forced to by outside events.
If nothing interferes with a wave, the peaks will be as high as the troughs are deep. In a society that values individuals about the collective, many people’s ego waves will get interference that forms their ego wave into something that more resembles an exponential curve rather than a wave — an a narcissist is born. Narcissists seek environments and situations that create further interference that strengthens their ego wave peak, which leads to narcissism becoming self-sustaining. One could argue that perhaps some of these people have a brief moment of clarity before they die, and one could argue that their lives are miserable attempts at escaping the void we all must face on our journey to becoming whole.
Most people never experience the deep troughs of the ego, as they require either psychedelic substances, very deliberate and time consuming practices like meditation, or a random and rare event (the existential equivalent of a person who never plays the lottery, and finds a winning lottery ticket on the street). Out of these three, two can be very sudden (psychedelics and random events) and when you take a sine wave and some event creates a deep trough, the following peak will be as high as the trough was deep, unless you make an effort to counter it. Therefore, dubbing the transcendent experience of “ego trough” as “ego death”, can lead to narcissism. Note here that the sine wave of the ego can be longer than a person’s life span, so a narcissist doesn’t necessarily have to experience a trough if they have enough persons and resources around them to keep feeding their egos.
(Side note: Jill Bolte Taylor’s experience after her stroke is an example of a random event leading to a deep, deep trough of the ego wave.)
So how do you counter the narcissist peak that follows the ego trough? Kindness is one way. Kindness in the form of doing things for others without expecting anything in return, is incompatible with narcissism. This is the easiest way, because even if you fake it, if you keep going at it you’re eventually going to have proven “fake it ’til you make it” to be right.
Another is re-wiring your brain to conceptualize the universe and existence as waves, rather than binaries. This is like the veganism of world views — it requires a lot of work if the majority of your influences, views and practices have been binary/carnist. Nonetheless, if you are seeking mind expansion and aspiring to be a psychonaut, this is what I would call “basic training”.